I dunno, The Rocky Road was...well, rocky, for a little while. M/M shipping was kinda wierd for a while, too, absurdly enough.

Cupcakes no thanks... I hate this kind of character derailment :(

Btw I managed to put rarity in With Great Power Comes Great Perks :)(she fits perfectly !)

edited 9th Jun '11 8:09:44 PM by FallenLegend

Interestingly MLP Guardian of the Glade ( http://nekollx.deviantart.com/art/MLP-The-Guardian-of-the-Glade-212059294 ) was rejected from ED because the 5 pre-readers felt White Rose was too Mary Sue, which i'm finding odd...

8 segmnts in and White Rose hasn't actually DONE anything aside from lend power (with 2 other unicorns to Twilight) and talk a big game, she didn't even do anything in her Flashback.

Also: Is there a trope for the premise of Blade Runner when once you reach a certin age your time is up?

edited 9th Jun '11 8:13:47 PM by NekoLLX

To be fair, White Rose is basically the complete center of attention for the sections I've read (up to and including 6). Having the 'Goddess' pony type probably doesn't help your case a whole lot either (does she really need to be both? Seems like she's more magic oriented than anything, so if she really needs to fly, you could slip in a flight spell or something). Maybe if you ran an extra subplot to help keep to lower overall Rose scene time, they'll see things in a different light. Off the top of my head, I would suggest expanding on that huge storm from the beginning of the story.

I can help you with that ( how many flaws she has?)

They're right.

The proper way to handle an OC is to transition them INTO the cast. Not replace them.

The hardest part about writing an OC is finding a balance between them and the original cast.

A lesson I learned the hard way.

GUYS

GUYS

I KNOW YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE, BUT

PONY THREAD ON /co/ GOT STICKIED (WARNING : This thread may kill your browser, also typical 4chan stuffs, beware.

edit: It's gone now

edited 10th Jun '11 12:51:17 AM by RockyZhao

Isn't that good?

MAYBE OR MAYBE NOT I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE

edited 9th Jun '11 8:41:17 PM by RockyZhao

Well if you want to get technical White Rose is a unicorn with wings added on. It's kind of hard to shoehorn in a 600 page backstory penned across 3 novels into her short scenes. But really that's about the only point in her history she could be reasonably exiled.

If i do it before Rom gives up his power (and wings) to White Rose then she isn't the Guardian of the glade, what's more then I would have to explain a freaking (Human) Kamen Rider type who can turn into a unicorn into the story.

As for flaws I think a good comparison would be Pinky Pie actually. White Rose literly had to abandon her friends for the greater good, she's a position of athority in the glade but can't actually get close to anyone because she has to manage the other unicorns and fight a endless war against the Nightmare Realm. She like Pinky Pie have given up a personal life for the benifit of others, and now she's be kicked out of that into a strange land and all she can think about is getting back home to get back to her job.

Sorry pal ( this is constructive criticism please don't get mad is for your own good). But suffering and flaws aren't the same thing. In fact " abandoning others for the greater good" is considered as a virtue instead of a flaw.

Flaws are the ugly side of each person personalities. For example Fluttershy's inability to express her real opinions, Aj's stubbornness, Rainbow dash insecurities etc

Don't be afraid of giving flaws to your character they will make them 20% cooler :) promise.In fact our ponies are so cool in part because of them

edited 9th Jun '11 9:22:51 PM by FallenLegend

I have a rather interesting sexual metaphor lined up, but to put it bluntly...

A flaw can be used to elevate the story line, heighten the plot, and deepen characters.

Angst can only be used to emphasize how miserable a character is. In the right hands, it CAN be good, but one should never confuse the two.

Now, how can we turn your above into a real character flaw?

might be best to take this to P Ms or email, or Goggle chat wouldn't you think? As i'm pretty sure i'm going to have to summerize White Roses 600 page back story at some point.

Perhaps therein lies your problem.

You're character might be TOO complex. If you're just starting the story out, and she's got THAT much of a back story, then of COURSE she's not going to be a MS to you, because you know her.

We don't.

I agree. I am developing a character creation guideclick here ( still work in progress). characters are not defined by their backstory but by ther personalities.

edited 9th Jun '11 9:31:42 PM by FallenLegend

Well keep in mind it IS a cross Over imagine is Harry Potter after the end of book 6 were to meet Twilight at the end of Episode 26 Twilight has 572 pages of backstory (22 minutes/page script times 26 episodes) and Harry has 4, 176 pages of history

figired i'd do a quick slick using Fallen's page: How is your character when alone? Claire is never really alone, well not until she became White Rose as the Exemplar of Love Claire filled every wakeing moment with some activity to better life in the basin. She dreamed of being a dancer so she did have her own gals she persued, but she also would work at the hospital, or give dance lessons, becoming a Marine was just one more thing she did to make the world a better place. When she became White Rose however she had to give up all that, her friends and her world for a greater good, but she is still never alone. When she has down time she would care for the triplets, or some part of the Glade, if White Rose were to ever find herself truly alone, she would most likly crack, breaking down into tears as she reflects on everything she has willingly given up.

Does your character treats everyone the same? Is your character nicer/meaner/funnier/etc. with certain people? If so, why do they act differently? White Rose has no real prejudices, treating everyone the same. It sort of a required trait of the Exemplar of Love.

Are the feelings your character expresses on the outside really what your character feels? For example: Is your character a Stepford Smiler? Absolutely, while a bit of a shop aholic and valley girl Claire really does feel the way she projects. If anything she feels like she isn't doing enough, which comes to a head in Book 2 when she winds up sleep deprived from trying to help out the Glade, protect earth from the latest batch of evil aliens bent on wiping out this insignificant blue marble, training under a professional dance coach, helping heal the sick with her powers at the hospital and teaching danceing and cheering to kids after school, oh yeah and going to high school.

If your character could have unlimited power/anonymity, would your character remain being the same person? With unlimited power White Rose would just try to do more, streching herself even thinner.

Does your character have a burden/secrets that he/she isn’t able to share? No more then the average teeenage superhero would, that and as you might have guessed by now her believe she isn't doing enough, (which tends to eat at her if she dwells on it to long)

edited 9th Jun '11 9:46:28 PM by NekoLLX

You guys seen the online Wired article about "Bronies" (adult male fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)?

this way Gray http://www.wired.com/underwire/2011/06/bronies-my-little-ponys/ ?

^^I posted it several pages ago

So it sounds like you're adding her at a point that would be mid-series in her original series. Surely at that point she would still have some flaws and issues she still needs to work out that you can craft your fic around?

Well i did just detail her a few posts up, you didn't see the flaws? I thought it was ptetty clear in that post.

Maybe a visual aid would help

If White Rose's compassion was to be visualized it would be this http://s182.photobucket.com/albums/x202/NekoLLX/ Power%20Ranger_Toku/?action=view&current=ooo36enjidream.jpg Now imagine Enji trying to to give that globe a hug.

edited 9th Jun '11 10:09:51 PM by NekoLLX

Sorry, I was dumb and started writing and got distracted and forgot to post my reply until way after, so my bad there. I think the best way to exploit what you're told us above is to have her realize she's stuck all alone in Equestria and have a mental breakdown. A good point to get that in would probably be after she fails to create the portal a second time.

I am also still addicted to doing training grounds art◊. I'm getting a little faster, since I drew Fluttershy pretty quick, but I got really picky with Rainbow Dash and she took up about 3/4 of my drawing time.

Aww Fluttershy's face Nice job I see you are improving

edited 9th Jun '11 10:26:54 PM by FallenLegend

i suppose it just felt a bit early for a breakdown, she knows that realm travel messes up your powers, and it just seems to soon to give up all hope that early.

I was actually planing on having the breakdown once Nightmare Moon was defeated (in fact i have the epiloge written up in my head for her eventual return hom, it's bittersweet) as that seemed the perfect time, she's saved this world from the Black Unicorn, or at least helped saved it, the threat is gone, now it's time to go home and...she still can't do it.

edited 9th Jun '11 10:45:29 PM by NekoLLX

Is that... is this Shakespony?◊

Whether it is or not, this seems like a good stand-in for "Cool Story Bro!"