@ Apple: How about a character who always speaks incoherently, like his mouth is full of marbles? You could put a * at the end of his sentences, and translate what he's saying at the bottom of the panel. Or, even better, the writer's interpretation of what you think he might be saying, which would always be something ridiculous.

Example:

Pony: Frbl slf grzl frzn sogth.*
Your translation: *"My ears are full of onions"(?)

I think the first thing was more comprehensible, Syd.

Yes, they do. My kitten would stare out a window for hours at a time and barely move an inch.

@ Syd

I do like that idea.

Maybe you could have the translator be a character in the story and have the subtitles be humoursly biased.

Lemony Narrator is always a fun trope. "He then muttered something that was no doubt as savage as it was unintelligible. I once managed to get him drunk enough to speak clearly, and he explained to me then why he continued to steal potatoes from the kitchen. I shan't repeat it."

edited 27th May '13 11:00:41 AM by kegisak

I bask in awe at your narrative capabilities.

Lemony Narrator is also a pain in the ass to write.

Oh, I've never tried writing it (or anything else)

Is it? I've always wanted to, but never made a serious attempt at it(I consider it largely the domain of comedies and the only one of those I've written I gave up on halfway through - my sense of comedy relies largely on timing and that's had to do in writing. I might want to take another crack at it though.)

I suppose it could be pretty tricky to balance storytelling with the tangents, and knowing when it's appropriate to interject. My main idea was having the narrator occasionally interject to express disgust at the character's actions, or talk about something else 'while we wait for the nasty bits to finish'.

Which is why six Brides for Two Sisters is fun to read. The narration is very lemony, pun intended.

if you really want lemony narration, there's some Discworld crossovers you might want to check out. Specifically, Binky Pie and The Wizzard and the Pony

edited 27th May '13 11:30:12 AM by Blissey1

I'm generally kind of wary of crossovers, even Discowlrd ones. Although for some reason I have on my Read Lster list a story that retells the firs couple of episodes, except Twilight is actually coming as a new captain of the guard for Ankh Ponyville, or whatever...

But yeah, Pratchett was always good for some lemonyness(And footnote humour), so I imagine any good crossover would have to feature it.

edited 27th May '13 11:30:20 AM by kegisak

Lemony Narrator can be good, but it's also very easy to go overboard and start trying to be too clever, at which point the reader just wants the narrator to shut up. I've seen a lot of fanfics that tried to imitate Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett and didn't realize that they're good at it because they know when to be subtle about it.

I've sadly never read any of Discworld. But I have read Good Omens with Pratchett and Neil Gaiman; both of whom are excellent Lemony Narrators.

British humor is good at that.

edited 27th May '13 11:37:33 AM by PrincessGwenevere

Now we just need a House of Leaves crossover.

Terry Pratchett has a really good prose style. He's an expert at balancing the humor in the narration with the plot. I wish I could write like that.

Douglas Adams was the master of lemony narration. He could go off into multi-page tangents that had nothing to do with anything and he was still funny.

Douglas Adams was the master of Hilarious-Off-Topic-Tangents. I wish I could pull off that kind of post-modern snark without going overboard. Even when the character/narrator in question is appropriately snarky.

Finding a voice in general is a challenge.

edited 27th May '13 11:50:58 AM by PrincessGwenevere

Lemony Narrator is good, and certainly what I had in mind for the fics. I meant too that for comics, I'd have an * besides the end of a speech bubble linking it to a text box at the bottom of the panel with a funny quip about it. And you know what? Maybe sometimes they can see it. Because I'm seriously not being serious with this whole thing. I want it to be funny and light hearted like the show. Hell if it was workable, I'd put songs in too.

Yeah, that's my problem as well.

And a House of Leaves crossover would be pretty creepy. Johny isn't the funny kind of narrator, he's a sad hipster who knows his life is pretty empty and slowly goes insane.

The thing is that they've never explicitly broken the fourth wall in the actual show.

Other than the times they've played with the Iris Out?

Yeah, those might count.

Yeah, right at the very start we had Pinkie's gasp for air making it move out...we had it at the end of OAB...Pinkie eating the fourth wall in MM Mystery...the end of Magic Duel...and countless other little things like that.