MLP Forum Archive

#5076 Sand Josieph Mon, 23rd May '11 9:37:25 AM from Grand Galloping Galaday from Grand Galloping Galaday

I'm not sure why, but one shot OC's

◊ appear to be my strong suit.

♥♥II'GSJQGDvhhMKOmXunSrogZliLHGKVMhGVmNhBzGUPiXLYki'GRQhBITqQrrOIJKNWiXKO♥♥

#5077 Fryonic Mon, 23rd May '11 10:10:36 AM from Vancouver, BC from Vancouver, BC

Now I've got the Evil Enchantress song stuck in my head.

tumblr

#5078 Moe Dantes Mon, 23rd May '11 10:48:59 AM from the Land of Classics from the Land of Classics

So I finished a second draft of (the first chapter of) my fanfic. I actually did this days ago but bad weather kept me offline.

Anyway, here it is: First chapter, revised

Additionally, I also did a draft of Chapter Two

I'm still not really satisfied with the Spike-voice. A lot of times its clearly me talking and not him. But conversation scenes in particular are a problem because I'm not sure how Spike would write those (without simply summarizing them).

edited 23rd May '11 11:00:43 AM by MoeDantes

visit my blog!

#5079 Bindlestick Mon, 23rd May '11 12:51:35 PM from the top of the sky from the top of the sky

Speakin' o' fanfics, here's the prologue

and the first chapter

of a stupid fanfic that I'm writing. The prologue's just some exposition and jegus why am I so bad at writing?

edited 23rd May '11 12:52:59 PM by Bindlestick

#5080 Unobtainable Cheese Mon, 23rd May '11 1:12:45 PM from Dallas, Texas from Dallas, Texas

Well, more Fanfic posting, I completed the thing I was writing. Here it is.

edited 23rd May '11 1:21:11 PM by UnobtainableCheese

Yes We Did.

Dallas Mavericks — 2011 NBA Champions

#5081 Death Cloud Mon, 23rd May '11 1:39:46 PM

Damm I shouldn't like Cupcakes fanart

◊ but I like crazy Pinkamena expresion (even if thing what she has on face make me trow up).

edited 23rd May '11 1:41:59 PM by DeathCloud

They are like the others. Strange, hideous, resisting, fighting. Only these were not like the others. They did not die.

#5082 Zeromaeus Mon, 23rd May '11 1:50:38 PM from Neo Arcadia from Neo Arcadia

Post another link like that and I swear I'll cupcake you!

Home Stuck. That is all.

#5083 Robbie Rotten Mon, 23rd May '11 2:03:44 PM from Somewhere from Somewhere

i've finished with watching Season 1.

Now to wait for season 2.

Read this This too

#5084 Death Cloud Mon, 23rd May '11 2:21:37 PM

You should not see link potholed Cupcakes then.

After watching few s2 episodes from Adventure Time I now wish to see AT pony fanart.

They are like the others. Strange, hideous, resisting, fighting. Only these were not like the others. They did not die.

#5085 Eventua Mon, 23rd May '11 2:34:04 PM from onboard the Citadel from onboard the Citadel

@Bindle: Very nice story so far. I'm guess that in chapter 1:
People arguing with Celestia are Gods of Chaos?
People in the middle are from Scion (not sure what that is)?
Last lot are Team Fortress 2, myes.

Formerly E.H.Grayson

#5086 Bindlestick Mon, 23rd May '11 2:47:42 PM from the top of the sky from the top of the sky

Well, only one of them is a Chaos God, the others are from various sources. As for the Scion characters, they're the sample characters from the first rulebook.

#5087 Astrosimi Mon, 23rd May '11 2:52:29 PM from God's Waiting Room from God's Waiting Room

Perhaps the first one to talk is the G-Man?

A child may be raised to think that light is darkness, but the light still enlightens.

#5088 storyyeller Mon, 23rd May '11 2:54:46 PM from Appleloosa from Appleloosa

By the way, does anyone remember which episode it is where Pinkie pokes her head from the top of the screen and then falls down?

It's pronounced "Te-ah-low-ve"

#5089 Bindlestick Mon, 23rd May '11 2:54:47 PM from the top of the sky from the top of the sky

No, actually he's the Big Bad, Hextor.

edited 23rd May '11 2:55:21 PM by Bindlestick

#5090 Death Cloud Mon, 23rd May '11 3:39:59 PM

Look what pony become meber of Wonder Bolts.http://grandilfromponychan.deviantart.com/#/d3gy8lu

edited 23rd May '11 3:42:35 PM by DeathCloud

They are like the others. Strange, hideous, resisting, fighting. Only these were not like the others. They did not die.

#5091 takashi. 0 Mon, 23rd May '11 4:18:29 PM from Somewhere from Somewhere

I swear if this provokes more Scootabuse shit, I'm gonna choke a bitch.

"Although I laugh and I act like a clown, beneath this mask I am wearing a frown."

#5092 Death Cloud Mon, 23rd May '11 4:32:51 PM

I hope it provokes WB suit Rainbow Dash Fanart

They are like the others. Strange, hideous, resisting, fighting. Only these were not like the others. They did not die.

#5093 the Librarian Mon, 23rd May '11 4:46:27 PM from his own little world from his own little world

@storyyeller Applebuck Season.

edited 23rd May '11 4:46:39 PM by theLibrarian

Tick Tock, goes the clock/ He cradled and he rocked her/ Tick Tock, goes the clock/Till River kills the Doctor.

#5094 Fancolors Mon, 23rd May '11 6:03:14 PM from Urban Forest from Urban Forest

Sigh, I was writing about a giant goat who could shoot lasers and used to have pony slaves trying to dominate Equestria by manipulating a pair of ponies. But I guess I'll have to shelve it; he feels too much out of character and I just can't figure out how to make some characters likable, especially Twilight Twinkle.

Anyways, the fics that have been posted here look promising. Thumbs up.

Behold! Grammer Nazis, behold the sigh of Engrish mine!

#5095 Bindlestick Mon, 23rd May '11 6:04:50 PM from the top of the sky from the top of the sky

Even mine?

#5096 Fancolors Mon, 23rd May '11 6:21:26 PM from Urban Forest from Urban Forest

The concept looks good, given the memestatic/crossovery nature of the series and you have a thing going on. But I particularly didn't like a few things about your fic:

The info dump. To be honest, it felt much more like you were shaving information on my face than actually explaining things.
It felt too rushed and vague. When you say, "They each bore bizarre looking artifacts and Cutie Marks fraught with excessive amounts of symbolism." Please describe "bizarre", everyone has their own image of what's truly "bizarre". And jumping from one scene to another without establishing a strong narrator's voice can be fatal to the writer, especially when it's a Lemony Narrator (which I assume is what you are looking for).
Footnotes. The problem isn't in the footnotes themselves, but rather the format of the website you posted your story in; it breaks the fluidity of your text.

I'm not good at writing myself, so others might provide a better critique, but that's what bothered me the most.

Behold! Grammer Nazis, behold the sigh of Engrish mine!

#5097 Daionusthe23rd Mon, 23rd May '11 6:22:25 PM

Something simultaneously beatuiful and somewhat ridonkulous popped into my head earlier today: Pony Mr. Rogers.

#5098 Unobtainable Cheese Mon, 23rd May '11 6:23:11 PM from Dallas, Texas from Dallas, Texas

How about mine? I'm just looking for Constructive Criticism.

Yes We Did.

Dallas Mavericks — 2011 NBA Champions

#5099 Kyler Thatch Mon, 23rd May '11 6:24:02 PM from the bottom of my heart from the bottom of my heart

@Unobtainable Cheese: Do you mean done done? The story feels rushed, and the pacing is all wrong. The reveal to Dinky about being adopted stands out as being the worst in this regard. Immediately after being told, she goes straight to "okay, I believe you, but I'm going to hate you forever now", without so much as a "haha, very funny, you almost had me going there" denial phase? I find that highly improbable, not to mention you're missing out on a great opportunity to tug at the heartstrings.

But apart, all we are is just a pile of mush and some crumbly dry mess...

#5100 Unobtainable Cheese Mon, 23rd May '11 6:37:24 PM from Dallas, Texas from Dallas, Texas

I do see where you're coming from. To be honest, this is my first attempt at trying to write something dramatically, and the reveal is something I did struggle with. Having never really seen or experienced this emotion first hand, it was really hard trying to write it from that perspective. The details I knew were who the parents were and how it happened, and trying to write the emotion part without a lot of Wangst was difficult, and I chalked it up to "Kids are emotional like that". Any ideas on how I can improve it?

I really kind of hate this trait where I feel I have to constantly defend and/or explain myself.

edited 23rd May '11 6:40:35 PM by UnobtainableCheese

Yes We Did.

Dallas Mavericks — 2011 NBA Champions