Honestly, I can't even be bothered to slog through Romance Reports anymore. I'm halfway through chapter 9 and I just go "you know, no. I don't want to deal with this bullshit anymore."

edited 30th Sep '12 11:48:24 AM by Pannic

What is it about?

@Condo: It's a clopfic that "Try's" {And I use that term very loosely} to have a story but has a ton of charector derailment, OOC moments and general bullcrap and fail everywhere.

This too.

edited 30th Sep '12 11:51:14 AM by marston

It's porn. It's pretentious porn that people think is good for some reason.

Chapter 8 in particular was just such a huge crock of bullshit that I decided that even if it does magically get better after chapter 9, which I doubt it will, that doesn't excuse the fact that the first eight chapters are utter shit.

To an extent that also applies to FOE. I'm 22 chapters in, it's a bit late for it to get better. But FOE isn't as bad as Romance Reports. At least shit actually happens and it just has its original characters being terrible for the most part, rather than derailing characters I actually like (for the most part, at least).

edited 30th Sep '12 11:52:35 AM by Pannic

Isn't Romance Reports the one where Twilight wants to bone Luna but first she has to bone everyone else for some strange reason?

Porn with Plot, except not?

I guess that's about as specific as you'd care to get.

Basically, the premise is that Twilight has a crush on Luna, but Luna's all "sorry, I don't date virgins. Learn about romance and then get back to me." So then Twilight goes on a series of one-night stands, mainly with Rarity, Braeburn, and Rainbow Dash. And when the story isn't hitting you with its painfully protracted sex scenes it hits you with general boredom and asinine dialogue.

And Applejack is mad at what Twilight did with Braeburn, and then apparently (haven't read that far) it seems that Applejack is just a bitter virgin who's jealous that Twilight can get laid and she can't, and some bullshit between Rainbow Dash and Rarity, and Fluttershy really, really has the hots for Big Macintosh and she always acts like she's deeply uncomfortable about something.

edited 30th Sep '12 11:55:10 AM by Pannic

She doesn't date virgins?

Man, that is kind of a mean thing to say.

Also, neither of them are lesbians.

Lurker: Even the plaintext url got broken up by the forum. Here's a shortened link to the pic.

@Meta: So cute!

@Condo: Exactly.

Their both Bi.

@Derpy pic: HNNNNNNNGGGGGG

edited 30th Sep '12 11:57:19 AM by marston

As far as I am aware, they are both straight.

Oh, the author devotes an entire chapter to the characters talking about their sexual orientations!

Applejack: Totally straight.

Rainbow Dash: Bisexual - I'm not joking when I say her entire characterization in the story is "Hey, everyone, I'm bisexual! Did I mention I'm bisexual? Because I'm bisexual. Look at how I'm all up in your expectations and defying them!"

Pinkie Pie: Bisexual

Rarity: Totally straight, despite having sex with Twilight and giving Rainbow Dash a "wing-gasm" (I'd say I wished I was making that up, but I'm actually glad I didn't) before backing out.

Fluttershy: Mostly straight, but "read about it" in regards to mares.

Twilight: Mostly lesbian.

Is it one of those fanfics where everyone is inexplicably bisexual? Semi-ninja'd.

@Comic Cover HHHHNNNNGGGGG

edited 30th Sep '12 11:59:03 AM by PurpleDalek

"Read about it?"

What the fuck does that mean?

Notice how the entire story is in present-tense.

edited 30th Sep '12 12:01:37 PM by Pannic

I'll repeat:

What the fuck?

Speaking of Derpy {Reffering to the comic cover pic}, here's a cute pic with her and the mane 6.

http://holyandrew.deviantart.com/art/Baking-Muffins-263593843

edited 30th Sep '12 12:04:22 PM by marston

My main gripe with Romance Reports was the fact that I think it's grossly out of character for somepony like Twilight to suddenly start banging her friends out of nowhere. Admittedly, I might be kinda biased as my own take on Twilight getting into a romantic relationship is extremely protracted (five chapters in she still hasn't gotten around to actually telling the other pony), but she's just far too nitpicky to suddenly jump from having platonic relationships to sexual ones. I just don't buy that she would do that; she's far too methodical and OCD to rush things so much. Heck, I honestly don't think Twilight would even consider having sex at all until she'd read a bunch of books on it or something.

That and I found the excerpts I've read almost completely unreadable due to the present tense narration. Even if the characterization was spot on I'd still have a hard time reading it because of that.

Granted, I've only read non-clop excerpts of it, but even the bits that were presented to me as examples of how awesome the story was fell completely flat and felt tremendously OOC to me. Going on what I know about it, I really doubt that I'd care much for it.

edited 30th Sep '12 12:08:30 PM by JapaneseTeeth

They're talking about where they lie on some equivalent to the Kinsey Scale that they made up (1 being only into mares and 9 being only into stallions), and it comes out:

Twilight: 3 or 4

Applejack: 9

Rarity: 9 (so she says)

Rainbow Dash: 5

Pinkie Pie: "Depends on the day of the week"

Fluttershy: 9, later admits to thinking about mares once or twice.

This is the main focus of the chapter. That and Applejack saying Twilight better make things right with Braeburn immediately.

edited 30th Sep '12 12:07:45 PM by Pannic

"Grossly out of character" seems like an understatement in this situation.

That is stupid. Why were they even talking about that?

edited 30th Sep '12 12:07:58 PM by condottiera

It's even more funny because I've seen people praise the characterization in it.

Man, this is great. Talking about something I dislike a lot more than Fallout Equestria is gonna put me into the perfect mindset for continuing.

All I remember is that they're having a get-together at the spa, it slips that Twilight had sex with Braeburn, Applejack gets mad, and then they talk about how Twilight is going to try dating a mare, and then it comes to what everyone's attracted to.

edited 30th Sep '12 12:10:18 PM by Pannic

Is the porn even any good?

Adjustment Burro in HD

@Con: I know, I don't get it either. Twilight is a pony who nearly had a nervous breakdown just trying to decide who to give her GGG tickets to. I honestly cannot fathom how you could portray her as willing to randomly start having sex with her friends just to impress Luna and consider it even remotely consistent with how she's portrayed in the show.

That and the whole kinsey scale thing is painfully self-aware, and not in a good way.

That said, I do think that the concept of exploring how the cast's sexuality could influence their relationships, but as far as I can tell I don't think RR kept it in line with the show very well.

edited 30th Sep '12 12:13:08 PM by JapaneseTeeth